Stirring

Im reading this book! God is stirring something inside that I cannot explain! If you want to read it with me I WOULD LOVE THAT....LET ME KNOW. If you live far away we can always do a skype book club:)

RADICAL from David Platt on Vimeo.

I don't want to

So I can only assume that most of you had the chance to read about my story in Africa. If not, its cool:) I really just needed to put it on paper/web in hopes that by God's Grace I could look back and see where He had begun to do a work.
Like I said before, coming home has been difficult, as I am reassured by some that that is fairly typical. I have had a hard time adjusting to my day to day...mostly because I don't want to.
I don't want to spend over $100 at the grocery store when some are lucky to have $2 for food, I don't want to take the boys out and play all day knowing full well many mothers are cooking and washing all day, I don't want to meet up with friends and just chat about my issues as an american momma when so many are struggling with illness and death, I don't want to complain about my two bedroom one bath home because its a little messy when these people sleep on dirt floors and sweep their porches with a bundle of sticks, I don't want to finish my book club on a book about "my insecurities" WHO CARES, I don't want to ...... I don't want to live life the same way, I don't want to get sucked back into my culture, I don't want to become so self involved again that I just shove everything I experienced in the back of my mind.

"No, you don't have to be a missionary to admire and advance the great purposes of God to be known and praised and enjoyed among all peoples. But if you want to be most fully satisfied with God as he triumphs in the history of redemption, you can't go on with business as usual - doing your work, making your money, giving your tithe, eating, sleeping, playing, and going to church. Instead you need to stop and go away for a few days with a Bible and notepad; and pray and think about how your particular time and place in life fits into the great purpose of God to make the nations glad in him. How will you join the great global purpose of God expressed in Psalm 67:4 ' Let the nations be glad and sing for joy?' - John Piper

That is where I am at...and will most likely be taking a day or two to do that!

I want to live in a world mission mindset, knowing full well that Americans need Jesus and as I am still here John and I are making every effort to be mission minded in our hometown but at the same time reminded that the rest of the World not only needs Jesus but they also need their daily needs met!
I want to be more like Christ "give much, give often, give freely, to the vile and poor, to the thankless and the undeserving"-john piper
As John (my husband) lovingly put it, Im a bit extreme:) I came home ready to change the world. Ready to feed every orphan, clothe the every naked, start a business to employ every father!! My mind has been racing....
John and I have been talking about what it looks like to help those in need while still in America.
So as of right now God has called us to Ojai, to First Baptist Church, to Lark Ellen Ave, to Southern California and in doing so I will wait on Him.
As I have allowed myself to do some of these things listed above I am grateful for the constant reminders that God has given me through each one. Hanging out with a friend at the park just so I can know how to go home and pray for her. Thanking God as I walk through the aisles of my local market, praising Him for the good things He has given us, cleaning my home with more energy and rigger as I pray over the women who work harder then I do, adopting two foreign missionaries knowing full well we are a part of furthering the Gospel in ASIA, finishing my book only to come to a chapter where the author has completely written out so many of my thoughts at this time, being reminded that I am on a journey...in a season where God is equipping John and I for something greater and that as we wait I have the chance to FALL in LOVE with My God. To get on my knees before Him and beg to be used by Him today. That I have a time to read, pray, read, pray, study, search etc...
A time to fall in love with His Word and Follow it blindly, obediently! To wait for His still small voice to call me to the next season and be confident that I will be willing to do whatever He asks!!

But to be honest as awesome and motivating as that sounds I have sunk into a small depression, being flooded and overwhelmed by so many thoughts and images. Telling myself "where do I begin?" "What do I do next?" "How can I help?"
I no longer want to go with my own plans about changing the world, but wait and follow His. I know He has given me this heart and these burdens cause he desires to use me in some way...there have already been about five different visions I have had but I am praying through them to make sure they are from Him.
Be still and know that I AM GOD!!!
sorry if this post is all over the place...but that is kinds where I am at....ALL OVER THE PLACE:) If you think of me...please pray!

The Purpose!

For those who havent read this yet......:)

To journal and share all that God has begun to lay on my heart. I believe my recent trip to Africa was the beginning of something great...I havent quiet figured out what that is and chances are God will not being laying out His plan for me in writing anytime soon but I am confident He will be revealing things to me bit by bit, step of faith by step of faith and that is why I thought it appropriate to begin my own personal journal. A place to come and ramble a little, a place to write out all my visions, ideas, passions, a place where those who are dear to me can come and hear what God is laying on my heart, since getting together for deep genuine conversations are far too infrequent in my life right now:)
A place of safety where I can share my thoughts without judgement or criticism. A chance for others to know how they can be praying for me. Maybe share their thoughts, ideas or questions
Those of you that have been invited are truly dear to me. I feel safe with you, safe knowing that anything I share will not go past these blog pages, safe in knowing you genuinely care for me and desire to know how God is working and what He is doing. These past two weeks have been a time to process, to meditate, to sit and ponder, to pray.....I feel as though I am in process right now, that I am a project that the Lord is working on at this time....I look forward to the outcome:)
I didn't feel it appropriate to share in detail about our trip to Africa on our "boys" blog. We will write something to the boys on there soon , but thought this might be a neat way for me to explain my story in a little more detail...the story of God's work in Africa...a story of Faith.
WELCOME

HERE WE GO!!!

First two days were difficult for me. From our first bus ride to our hotel, to the trip to town for a little shopping, my eyes saw too much. Too many people, too many children, too many without shoes, too many without clothing, too many digging through the trash only to share a banana between three young boys, too many babies, too many in need, too many tears I cried those first two days, too many thoughts that haunted me.









Then Sunday morning rolled around and everything changed. As we pulled up to our literally “underground church” I saw too many children with the biggest smiles, too many hands to hold, too many high fives to give out and as we descended down the stairs to church we were greeted with too many hugs, too many smiles, too many hands to shake, too many voices worshipping, too many feet dancing, too many hands raised to the heavens, too many songs sung to the King, too many hearts on fire, too much faith to contain in one room. That was the beginning of the most beautiful week of my life.
The week where the Lord began to reveal to me TOO MUCH FAITH!

Let the Great Week Begin

Early Monday morning I awoke with a terrible stomach bug…that’s the moment I knew God had something big in store and someone wanted me to have nothing to do with it. I went anyway…taking it easy though.
We were greeted once again by the most beautiful children you could ever lay eyes on…they escorted us down the stairs and into the church. They were shoved back as we made our way to the front where the women had set aside chairs off to the side for us to sit in, but never loosing sight of us. The kids kept their eyes locked on us as we listened to the first speaker….we would look back and make faces as often as we could. Once worship began we could no longer contain ourselves…several of us got up and made our way to the back to sing songs to our Jesus with little ones by our side!
Oh to worship like a child, in Uganda even the adults do:)

(these two hung out with us all week)



(playing peek a boo...with a little one across the room)

My friend Shannon and I decided we would stay in the back with the young ones while the next teacher got up…thinking that might keep them quiet and less distracting…we were wrong. Oh I am so glad I did not miss that first day….they made circles around us. They touched our hands, our elbows, our earrings, our hair. They were fascinated by the smallest things we did. Silly hand shakes, funny faces, they loved it all. I kept thinking to myself….so this is how we will be in heaven! Sitting at the feet of God wanting to touch him, in awe and wonder! Oh to have faith like a child!! To love unconditionally, to forgive quickly, to believe our father can do no wrong, to be fascinated by everything the father does!!!


As we sat there I began to witness the mothers and women of the church reprimanding the children for being too loud. They would poke them with a stick or shoosh them, if a child began to cry the oldest sibling would have to take the child outside….my heart broke for the young ones; how they were at times a burden, a distraction, an inconvenience. God began to stir something in my heart that I couldn’t let go of.

Shannon and I decided there was no way we could not do something with the children so we decided that from then on we would do a small children’s program once a day!!

Let the Program Begin

Tuesday morning rolled around and after worship we took the young ones out to the school across the street and into a “classroom” basically an 8x10 metal shed with benches. The children piled in!!!


We sung some songs and told some stories about Jesus! It was a very short but sweet time with them. We were given the chance to share the gospel and tell of our Great and powerful God that does miracles and loves all of them. Many raised their hands wanting to accept Jesus….oh a child like Faith! No questions or concerns just pure belief in Jesus! We gave them a chance to perform a song to the group, to share a bible story if they knew one, to come up front and sing and dance with us! They loved it all and we enjoyed every minute. It was a beautiful experience to be singing songs and to look over and make eye contact with just one child, to give a smile or make a quick silly face and watch their eyes light up!





They desired personal attention, affection, love, significance, and an intimate smile just for them, a single touch! Another reminder of how much I desire that from my God! The Lord again began to burden me with the message of motherhood. He laid it on my heart to share with the women what a privilege, responsibility and important ministry it is to be a mother …that children are a gift, a blessing and to remind them how God views HIS children. Shannon and I decided that after I would share with the women on Friday we would have the young ones come down and perform a few songs for the mommas…so the rest of the week consisted of us teaching the little ones two songs that they would perform…. along with more stories, more silly games, more conversations, more hugs, more funny faces, more friendships made, …oh how I loved making eye contact with one, watching them smile and hide behind a brother or sister but you know they just wanted more!!







I asked them if they knew a song and a few of them broke out with this...the rest joined in...I love their voices!!

Change of Plans

Wednesday came and plans had changed a little. Two from our group had become ill and had to stay at the hotel, so we were needed to help run the small groups with the women. Feeling completely unprepared and unqualified I unknowingly stepped into the group with the “pastor’s wives”. WHAT? Oh dear, does someone want to trade? No? awesome.


One of the women from our group had taught on the “woman at the well”…so I asked the women if they had ever experienced a one on one intimate moment with Jesus. Every woman had a story! They have all met with their Lord in a personal way…He spoke over them as they were cooking, He healed their children from several diseases, He has kept their family free of sickness from the AIDS they carry. These women have experienced life! Life with hardships, trials, death, illness, some of these pastors wives are now widows carrying for their 10 children all on their own, without a home …and yet PRAISING THEIR FATHER IN HEAVEN! And I thought taking a trip to Africa was FAITH. They are grateful for a God who listens, for a God who answers their prayers, A God who speaks to them, a God who provides! As they spoke all I could do was ask God to give me the right words to encourage and to pray over them. Knowing all along that they were teaching me far more then I could ever try to teach them. I was the student at the feet some of the most beautiful teachers I had ever laid eyes on!





As I listened to one who is an outcast due to epilepsy , (she is shunned and rejected even at her church where she is the pastors wife, because it is seen as a curse) all I could tell her was that her Father in heaven does not waste anything. That she has been given an opportunity to be the change in her culture. To be the ambassador for those with this illness, to be a voice to those who have been shunned, to show compassion because she first was shown compassion. I did my best to encourage the pastors wives that they have all been given a difficult road to travel, but they have been given an opportunity to live life in such a way that when others look at their circumstances but then see their faith withstand, that those who are watching will be able to do nothing but PRAISE THEIR GOD! That when we are in a ministry position many eyes are on us. Many are watching our every move, both believers and unbelievers and the enemy wants nothing more then to watch us fall but if we choose to have Faith we cannot be shaken. Oh the message of the week for me….FAITH!

Sobering Day

Thursday we spent time with the children in the morning but needed to begin collecting prayer requests for the bookmarks we were going to make! Thursday was a sobering day as I sat their on my pretty little lap top and listened to each woman one by one share their requests to me….my heart began to sink into the pit of my stomach. I was so grateful their was a translator sitting in between us because I do believe I would have just turned to each woman and begun sobbing like a baby over them….praying over them and frankly making a fool of myself. Oh the faith of these women are far too great! They would ask for prayer with a smile on their face, for God to heal them of their AIDS, for God to build them a home to live in, for their husband to show favor to them as they are the 2nd wife in the marriage, for salvation for their families, for their husband to return as he has left them alone, for stomach aches during their monthly period, for headaches, demon possession, witch doctors to leave them alone, being poisoned, without food, sick and dying. Little ones asking for wisdom in school as well as being sponsored in school so they can further their education! These women believe that if you pray God will answer!! Their faith in Christ is all they have to live for!!



(this women sang a song to her Jesus, thanking us for coming to Uganda....love her)

(two young girls came to sing songs to jesus...so sweet)
I was able to witness something truly amazing that day….during our time of worship I watched a young girl come up to one of the women leaders of the church. I watched as they began to pray, I saw passion and even as we shouted to the lord I could hear those two in the corner praying…later on that week the woman was able to share with me what happened. She told me of the young girl who has terrible stomach aches…she asked if the girl was hungry, she said no. She asked if she needed water, she said no. She asked her if she believed God could heal her of her pain, she said yes. She asked if she believed that this could be an attack from the enemy, the young girl said yes. The woman began to pray, she said that as she prayed she began to feel a tightening in her stomach and that she was confident that the pain was from the enemy. After the prayer the young girl said she felt much better but the woman said her stomach hurt. She said she began to pray and worship and told the enemy that he had no place in her and by the end of the worship song, her stomach ache was gone!!
She asked what we do for stomach aches and I was embarrassed to tell her we take Mylanta.
They have prayer and faith we have pills and doubts!

That is Bernadette the woman who prayed over the young girl!